the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
