I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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