apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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