Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
