So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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