last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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