This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
BRING THE BAGELS
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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