Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
