Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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