I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
