If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
