k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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