I wish I only lived at night.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
