I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
