I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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