nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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