The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
