somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
