I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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