yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
