Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
