it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
