apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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