so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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