I'm gonna have a badass scar
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
