im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
