Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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