No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
