so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Michael Bay diarrhea
We need to rekindle our bromance
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
