I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
