She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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