yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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