I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
