I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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