Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
