I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
