Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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