youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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