Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
