Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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