I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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