Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
