Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
