Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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