dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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