I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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