I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
