he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
