Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
