from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
