dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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