i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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