I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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