Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
